#98

Hello person that is reading this. You probably just accidentally wound up on this blogger page, because you took a wrong turn somewhere... The Internet can be a confusing place sometimes. But never you worry, you're in... hands. So sit back, put on that bib so as not to drool all over that fancy shirt, and hang the hell on because I have no idea how to drive this thing.

Now to the meat of the issue: it's been a while since I have posted anything here. But not because I have been busy or anything..., and boy do I have some crazy freaking stories for you! we will get into those later. Now, it's time for another awesome installment of... "100 things I would do with $10,000!!!"

Number ninety-eight, or ninety-seven, I can't remember now. And without further ado... If I had ten thousand dollars, I would purchase a large water-slide. Then I would dig a hole in the ground, and put the water-slide into the hole, so that the hole in the ground looks like a tunnel or some cool shit like that. Then I would put the other end of the slide on my roof, and I would let people slide down my water-slide (for a nominal fee, of course.) When they slid into the hole, it would not be a tunnel or any cool shit like that, just a hole in the ground. And then they would hit the ground in the hole and be stuck in the hole in the ground. And then there would be a ton of people stuck in this hole, and they would be all hungry and thirsty from being stuck in there for so long, and by that time they would be begging me to let them out, or give them a ladder or something. Then, and this is the kicker, I would sell them things (also for nominal fees) like food, water, and maybe, eventually a ladder or something. At least a rope. That way I get all of my $10,000 back so that I can buy a giant bag of jelly beans. Like, the biggest bag of jelly beans you have ever seen. I mean, I don't know how many jelly beans you can buy with 10 grand, but I bet it is a lot. Unless I decide to get Jelly Bellys, because them shits are expensive. But they have awesome flavors like pear. Who has ever heard of a pear jelly bean? Jelly Belly has!

What's the moral of this story you ask? Get to the point you say? Well here is the point ladies and gentlemen: Life ain't about trick water-slides or jelly beans, regardless of how awesome the flavors are. Life isn't even about having a penny launcher or making bug soup of the day. Life is about Pineapple upside-down cake. You gotta get that shit.

For lazy redditors: TL;DR jellybeans! or pineapple upside-down cake, you pick.