Hello person that is reading this. You probably just accidentally wound up on this blogger page, because you took a wrong turn somewhere... The Internet can be a confusing place sometimes. But never you worry, you're in... hands. So sit back, put on that bib so as not to drool all over that fancy shirt, and hang the hell on because I have no idea how to drive this thing.
Now to the meat of the issue: it's been a while since I have posted anything here. But not because I have been busy or anything..., and boy do I have some crazy freaking stories for you! we will get into those later. Now, it's time for another awesome installment of... "100 things I would do with $10,000!!!"
Number ninety-eight, or ninety-seven, I can't remember now. And without further ado... If I had ten thousand dollars, I would purchase a large water-slide. Then I would dig a hole in the ground, and put the water-slide into the hole, so that the hole in the ground looks like a tunnel or some cool shit like that. Then I would put the other end of the slide on my roof, and I would let people slide down my water-slide (for a nominal fee, of course.) When they slid into the hole, it would not be a tunnel or any cool shit like that, just a hole in the ground. And then they would hit the ground in the hole and be stuck in the hole in the ground. And then there would be a ton of people stuck in this hole, and they would be all hungry and thirsty from being stuck in there for so long, and by that time they would be begging me to let them out, or give them a ladder or something. Then, and this is the kicker, I would sell them things (also for nominal fees) like food, water, and maybe, eventually a ladder or something. At least a rope. That way I get all of my $10,000 back so that I can buy a giant bag of jelly beans. Like, the biggest bag of jelly beans you have ever seen. I mean, I don't know how many jelly beans you can buy with 10 grand, but I bet it is a lot. Unless I decide to get Jelly Bellys, because them shits are expensive. But they have awesome flavors like pear. Who has ever heard of a pear jelly bean? Jelly Belly has!
What's the moral of this story you ask? Get to the point you say? Well here is the point ladies and gentlemen: Life ain't about trick water-slides or jelly beans, regardless of how awesome the flavors are. Life isn't even about having a penny launcher or making bug soup of the day. Life is about Pineapple upside-down cake. You gotta get that shit.
For lazy redditors: TL;DR jellybeans! or pineapple upside-down cake, you pick.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Sunday, February 6, 2011
... Of The Day!
Hello, and welcome to another very first edition of "... of the day!"
now, today in "...of the day!", it's bug soup of the day!
This is absolutely my favorite bug soup:
Just take two cans of whatever that milky shit is, mix in some bugs of your choice, i prefer cockroaches and maybe some blanched almonds. Many people use grasshoppers or other household buggies. Remember to have fun!
Love, Justin.
P.S. (i know your secret Seacrest. someday, you will pay!)
now, today in "...of the day!", it's bug soup of the day!
This is absolutely my favorite bug soup:
Just take two cans of whatever that milky shit is, mix in some bugs of your choice, i prefer cockroaches and maybe some blanched almonds. Many people use grasshoppers or other household buggies. Remember to have fun!
Love, Justin.
P.S. (i know your secret Seacrest. someday, you will pay!)
# 99
Ten thousand dollars? do you know how much ten thousand dollars is in today's economy? it's like practically nothing. There's babies out there that make way way more than that! babies! I talked to this baby the other day that was clearing $500,000 a year. And he's still struggling to make ends meet. Asked me for some diaper money, if you'll believe that.
So to answer your question, no. I would not like your $10,000. ... wait, what was the question?
So to answer your question, no. I would not like your $10,000. ... wait, what was the question?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Number 100: part two
Ok, i know what some of you are thinking. And i'm just here to assure you that it is completely and utterly untrue. Ryan mother-fucking Seacrest and that other stupid lady that hosts E! News have nothing better to do than make up completely, absolutely untrue rumors about people and then say them on their stupid national "news" program. Well, I'm just telling you, they're liars! Big stupid lying butt-faces. Fuck you Ryan Seacrest!
Now, as for what the rest of you are thinking: Of course I know that if I took the entire $10,000 our in pennies then I wouldn't have enough to pay for the actual penny launcher itself. Do you think I'm stupid? Cause I'm not stupid. It's called dramatic tension or something like that. Look it up! And plus, that little detail is already worked into my plan. I would only take half of the money out in pennies and use the other $5,000 on the penny launcher. I'm sure the mythbusters guys would sell it to me for that much, right? And then I could use that $5,000 in pennies as ammunition and then i would rob some people and make them give more pennies for my penny launcher! Hahaha! it's such an ingenious, evil plan! Sometimes i give my self chills. Did you guys feel that too?
Now, as for what the rest of you are thinking: Of course I know that if I took the entire $10,000 our in pennies then I wouldn't have enough to pay for the actual penny launcher itself. Do you think I'm stupid? Cause I'm not stupid. It's called dramatic tension or something like that. Look it up! And plus, that little detail is already worked into my plan. I would only take half of the money out in pennies and use the other $5,000 on the penny launcher. I'm sure the mythbusters guys would sell it to me for that much, right? And then I could use that $5,000 in pennies as ammunition and then i would rob some people and make them give more pennies for my penny launcher! Hahaha! it's such an ingenious, evil plan! Sometimes i give my self chills. Did you guys feel that too?
Number 100
This is number 100:
I would take it all out in pennies, and then i would get that nail gun that the mythbusters turned into a penny gun, for that myth where they tested whether or not dropping a penny off of a building, but not just any building, the empire state building, would kill somebody if it hit them on the head. And then I would test whether or not shooting a penny out of the penny gun from the top of the empire state building would kill anybody. But i've seen that episode and so i'm pretty sure that it wouldn't work. But still, it would be way cool to have a penny launcher. I would keep it with me at all times, or most times, even when it isn't the most appropriate situation or if it doesn't go that well with the outfit that i am wearing. I'm going to need a holster for this thing.
Wanted: skilled leather-smith, or even just a decent seamstress (or seamster) that would be willing to fashion a high quality, attractive looking holster that could accomodate my recently acquired penny launcher. Please respond to this post with your name, a resume/credentials and what you would charge for something like this.
Well everybody, it looks like it's the end of the line for this post. You either gotta get off or start going back the way you came. And I don't think anyone wants that. I'll leave you with this little jem though. This was spoken by someone very close to my heart, Bill Pullman. Enjoy.
"A story about... I play a guy who is with... Patricia Arquette is my wife and we're having troubles. It's a raw relationship. And she ends up dead and they think I did it. I don't think I did.”
I would take it all out in pennies, and then i would get that nail gun that the mythbusters turned into a penny gun, for that myth where they tested whether or not dropping a penny off of a building, but not just any building, the empire state building, would kill somebody if it hit them on the head. And then I would test whether or not shooting a penny out of the penny gun from the top of the empire state building would kill anybody. But i've seen that episode and so i'm pretty sure that it wouldn't work. But still, it would be way cool to have a penny launcher. I would keep it with me at all times, or most times, even when it isn't the most appropriate situation or if it doesn't go that well with the outfit that i am wearing. I'm going to need a holster for this thing.
Wanted: skilled leather-smith, or even just a decent seamstress (or seamster) that would be willing to fashion a high quality, attractive looking holster that could accomodate my recently acquired penny launcher. Please respond to this post with your name, a resume/credentials and what you would charge for something like this.
Well everybody, it looks like it's the end of the line for this post. You either gotta get off or start going back the way you came. And I don't think anyone wants that. I'll leave you with this little jem though. This was spoken by someone very close to my heart, Bill Pullman. Enjoy.
"A story about... I play a guy who is with... Patricia Arquette is my wife and we're having troubles. It's a raw relationship. And she ends up dead and they think I did it. I don't think I did.”
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Number Two
Rene thinks I'm pretentious because I spend all of my time trying not to be pretentious, which is probably true. But she just sent a text message to Peter with the word "pontificate" in it. The line was, "Pontificate if you will." How's that for pretentious? I don't even know what pontificate means! Does anybody know what pontificate means?
Fuel for my fire baby!
You don't want it but you're going to get it.
This is a challenge lady! Whale war!
Fuel for my fire baby!
You don't want it but you're going to get it.
This is a challenge lady! Whale war!
Blog Posting Numero Uno
"Hi Lady! What can I make for you?!"
You can make me whatever you want attractive Mexican woman. As long as it's steak tacos.
You can make me whatever you want attractive Mexican woman. As long as it's steak tacos.
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